Monster Survival Guide

Hauntings are no joke. Studies show that encounters with mythical creatures can significantly decrease quality of life, if not end it altogether. With that in mind, we’ve come up with a few tips to help walk you through your first monster encounter. Whether you have a dragon in your dungeon or an elf on your shelf, these rules-of-thumb will give you the tools you need to come out the other side alive. Read on, and you’ll not only survive, but thrive, your first encounter.

1. When in doubt, don’t shout.

We must state the obvious first. If a specter is haunting you, don’t make a big to-do. Avoid screaming, shouting, or causing a scene. That will only make matters worse. It may disturb the creature, provoking it to act more rashly, or it can draw more fearsome frights to your location. Stay calm, and you’ll be out of this pickle in no time.

2. Where’s there none, assume there’s one.

That’s right: Never assume your safe. You know in those horror movies when the main character lets down their guard? Then—BAM—the big bad appears right when the character least expects it. Don’t be that person. Keep your guard up, and don’t assume you’re in the clear until you really know it.

3. If you need to pee, be discreet.

Urine is a common attractant for many creatures, including werewolves, trolls, and even evil clowns. If you have a full bladder and you really have to go, do it discreetly. Ideally in a bottle: That way, you can hurl it away and throw the creature off your scent. Nice!

4. Don’t talk. Chalk.

This tip builds off our first one. Again, it’s always best to stay quiet. But if you need to communicate—be it with your paranormal predator or a human—don’t do it verbally. Use chalk! Keep a box of chalk on you and use it to draw signs and symbols. Who knows? Maybe boogeyman will even want to play a game of tic tac toe.

5. Salt before you halt.

When in flight, do it right. Your best bet is to keep moving to avoid your pursuer. A fast quarry is a forgotten quarry. But—hey—we get it. We all have to catch our breath sometimes. If you do need to stop, whether it’s to tie your shoes (safety first) or to take a pit stop, make sure you first encircle yourself in salt. Salt is a stellar repellant for a great number of monsters (see Weakness Chart below). From ghosts and ghouls to Krampus and clowns, salt can really do a number. So be liberal. Spread it around on the ground beneath you and enjoy a quick breather.

For best results, choose a high-quality kosher salt with a proven track record. Here at Monster Mashers Inc., our hunters swear by Diamond Crystal®. Deadly enough for demons, delicious enough for dinner: Talk about a winner!

Weakness Chart

Colour Code

*Deadly if cold-forged iron

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