Dragon Control

Monster Mashers Inc. employs a range of strategies to capture, remove, and slay all species of dragons from human dwellings. Got a draconian disaster on your hands? Give Mad Max and Andy a shout for immediate assistance.

Dragon Slaying Services

Dragons are highly intelligent and extremely vengeful creatures. The species of Bronzed-Nose Ridgebacks, for example, are known to hold grudges centuries-long and spend decades crafting elaborate plots of revenge on those who have dared to insult, offend, or ridicule their kind. For this reason, Monster Mashers Inc. will always prioritize the humane capture and release of dragons. Dragon-slaying is only a viable option as a last resort (i.e., when things get real ugly).

When deemed absolutely necessary, MM Inc will agree to slay your dragon. Dragon slaying is one of the riskiest tasks in our field. Due to the long lifespan of dragons and their habit of harbouring ill-will, it is of the utmost importance that the slay be successfully executed.

Every Doomslaughter in nearly two centuries that have attempted, and failed, to slay a dragon has paid the cost dearly—most notably, Gwenyvere Doomslaughter. In 1952, Gwenyvere endeavoured to kill a Lithe Green Baydragon by surrounding its nest with mines timed to the billboard hit “Wheel of Fortune” by Kay Starr. Unfortunately for Gwenyvere, it wasn’t until 1991 that Richard G. Doomslaughter discovered (due to the correlation between the spike in Baydragon flight sightings in regions prior to the occurrence of earthquakes) that Baydragons can detect vibrations undetectable to humans. So, Gwenny’s Baydragon escaped her trap unscathed. It wasn’t until years later, when the popular TV series “Wheel of Fortune” premiered in 1983, that poor old great aunt Gwenny was petrified in her armchair as Vanna White revealed the phrase: “An Eye for an Eye and a Tooth for a Tooth.”

When the Dragon Must Die

Needless to say, Monster Mashers Inc. takes the dragon-slaying trade very seriously, and clients should prepare for any number of the following weaponry to be used on their property:

  • Swords and crossbows
  • Tear gas
  • Grenades
  • V-2 missiles
  • Plasma cannons
  • MAG machine guns
  • PEZ dispensers (a surprisingly effective distraction)

*We highly recommend our clients vacate the premises for the duration of the attack.

Dragon Capture and Release

The safest method of dragon control is the humane capture and release of the mythical beast. Dragon capture is a tricky affair, and easiest performed on newborn to adolescent dragons, when their fire-breathing capacities are not yet fully developed. The vast majority of the clients that seek our aid do so after having tried (unsuccessfully) to raise or tame a dragon as a house pet. In these scenarios, early intervention is key. If you or a family member has lost control of a domesticated dragon, we encourage you to contact us as soon as possible.

Dealing with Dragons? Contact Monster Mashers Inc.

Monster Mashers Inc is at your service for dragon identification, capture, removal, and slaying. We have maintained a very low human death toll for the last 175 years and pledge to rid you of your dragon dilemma in the shortest delay.