Boogeyman Removal

We tell children that the boogeyman is just a made-up mythical creature used to frighten young children into good behavior. When we become older, though, we learn that the boogeyman is as real as death and taxes. The Boogey creeps behind us when we walk down dark halls, its breath clings to walls, and it is the scariest being of them all.

There are some who run from their fears, and there are heroes who face them head-on—and that’s us.

Monster Mashers Inc — Your knights in shining armor. Offering the finest boogeyman removal services money can buy, we are just a phone call away.

Boogeyman Be Gone!

The origins of the boogeyman are difficult to trace. Ask Jeeves, the online encyclopedia trusted by anthropologists and historians alike, dates the birth of the first boogey to 1531. One fateful night, a young rabble rouser was sent to his room for having shot one of his servant’s in the backside with an arrow. As he tossed and turned in his magisterial bed, the boogey began whispering from beneath the bed, telling him to be good—or else.

The boogeyman has persisted in that same way for centuries, like a very horrifying hall monitor making sure we follow every last little rule. While the very consequences of disobeying the boogeyman's orders are inconsistent, they have come to haunt children and adults in the most terrifying of ways.

For those who don’t want the boogeyman breathing down their neck, we’re here to help. We know how to banish boogey monsters from our waking world with the utmost professionalism. Our approach is a little unusual, but it works.

How to Defeat the Boogeyman

Boogeymen live off the fears and anxieties of everyday people. They grow stronger as your fears and feelings of guilt and shame increase. The only way to weaken the boogeyman is not only to tell him you’re not afraid—but to show him you’re not afraid.

To keep you out of harms’ way, we take care of this part of the job. Boogeymen like to hide under beds with dirty laundry, coffee mugs, and pizza boxes. How do we show the mythical beast that we are not afraid? We hide under your bed for several nights while you sleep. Whenever the boogeyman appears, we scream “BE GONE, BOOGEYMAN!”

It may seem easy but it’s a hard job that takes years of practice developing the right pitch to scare off even the scariest monster of them all. With us on the job, you can rest easy knowing your boogeyman issues will be a thing of the past!

Follow-Up Process

To make sure the boogeyman is gone from your life for good, we’ll send our fearless and compact intern to set up camp underneath your bed for an additional 2-3 weeks—free of charge. His name is Mark and he is very quiet, so much so that you may forget he is even there!