The Doomslaughter Legacy
Monster Mashers is a Doomslaughter family legacy. Originally from Europe, the Doomslaughters immigrated to the United States in the early 1800s and built their empire afresh in a new continent. The Doomslaughters passed on the art of the monster hunt like a baton passed down from generation to generation. With every decade, new creatures came to light, innovative medicinal remedies emerged, and high-risk extermination strategies developed.
Today, these ancient practices are survived by the only two living Doomslaughter descendants: Floridian self-proclaimed rednecks Mad Max and Andy. This Doomslaughter duo has brought Monster Mashers into a new era, one with significantly more tobacco chewing and gator anecdotes than in times past.
Nevertheless, Max and Andy brandish the Doomslaughter flame bravely, and venture fearlessly into haunted homes, face unspeakable phenomenon, and battle brutes of nightmarish proportions with undeniable Southern style.
Masters of the Monster Hunt
Monster Mashers Inc. specializes in the detection, identification, intervention, capture, extermination, and/or destruction of all mythical creatures. However hair-raising and bloodcurdling an infestation you have on your hands, the MM team guarantees complete eradication at competitive rates.
De-monstering a home is no small feat and is certainly not an exact science. For your consideration, our experienced slayers have put together a list of our staple services and their standard rates. Please note, as the realm of monsters is a mysterious one, rates are subject to change without notice.
- Fairies, Elves, and Pixies: $25 a head
- Dragons: $1000 (Seems expensive? Not as expensive as renovating your house after a dragon has been through it….)
- Vampires and Werewolves: $250 a head, or $400 for a pair locked in mortal combat.
- Zombies: $50 (Living Dead Season Special—kill two Zombies for the price of one!)
- Evil Clown: $100-$500 (price determined by the creepiness level of the clown, rated on a scale of “I don’t like that—it’s weirding me out” to “Oh my good %#@$ &!* that’s $*@#$% *%#!* creepy as $%&*!”)
*By enlisting Monster Mashers Inc.’s services, you expressly acknowledge and agree that any and all supernatural ramifications of the monster attack are your sole responsibility. You, the client, assume the entire cost of all necessary repair for temporary or lasting structural defects and damage, such as, but not limited to, levitating homes, foundation displacement from portals to the underworld, fire damage from dragons, and blood, vomit, or excrement stains (monsters or human). Although the Doomslaughter family has been hunting monsters for centuries, there is no guarantee that Max and Andy have ever actually encountered one.
Un-Haunt My Home, Monster Mashers!
At Monster Masher Inc., your monster’s masquerade has met its end. With centuries of monster-slaying might to our name, no ghoul or gargoyle will prevail against the family name Doomslaughter. We exist to vanquish villains, eradicate evil, and destroy doom (for a bargain price)!